Full Review and Rating - The Caretaker by Marcus Kliewer

The Caretaker

Marcus Kliewer

Copyright 2026

295 Pages

This one absolutely lives in the eerie‑spooky‑“did I just hear something in the hallway?” category. It pairs beautifully with a warm cup of coffee, a chunky sweater, and a cozy blanket — as long as every door is locked, deadbolted, and maybe blessed with holy water. Because what we’ve got here is a list of Rites you’re supposed to follow for a “lovely weekend in the cabin,” and by “lovely” I mean “follow them or invite evil directly into your soul like it’s Airbnb.”

So anyway, off we go to our weekend at the Creepy Cabin. I naïvely thought the first night would be chill. A little spooky ambiance, maybe a creaky floorboard or two. Welp. (Spoilers incoming.) Macy, girl… you didn’t even survive the first witching hour. Not even a full rotation of the clock. I knew right then she was in for a long weekend — and by long, I mean “the kind of weekend that makes you rethink every life choice that led you here.” But hey, more entertainment for us.

I thought we’d at least check off the first Rite and build some confidence. Nope. Turns out this is a no‑confidence position, like being a substitute teacher in a room full of feral children.

Next thing I know, we’re chasing rabbits around the house like we’ve fallen into the basement level of Super Mario 64. Except there’s no star for Mario — sorry, Macy — because we never catch the little shit. And every Rite we fail just cranks the chaos dial higher. So we tiptoe around the house, trying not to breathe too loudly, until that cursed phone rings from the beyond like it’s trying to sell us extended car warranties from Hell.

Overall, this book checks every dark, spooky box. At one point, my husband walked into the room while I was reading and I snapped at him like I was the one being hunted. For the record, I prefer my endings tied up in a neat little bow. This one said “absolutely not” and left me with vibes instead of closure — but honestly, the ambiguity kind of works. It adds to the drama, the dread, the “did I just see something move?” energy.

The book gets 4 stars. Macy, however, gets 1 star, because girl… you failed every Rite. Every single one. I can’t help you.